I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I could make wine with my vomit
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
