dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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