After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
