apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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