shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
