omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
