Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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