I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just had sex bonerless
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
