There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
