last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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