My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
