I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
