3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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