Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
