I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
