I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
