those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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