Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
