I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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