We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
