Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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