so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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