I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
