My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
