Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
