i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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