I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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