see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
