Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
