hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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