I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
