Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
