Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
