I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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