Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Alive.
So much puke
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
