He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
