I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
