K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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