You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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