he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
3pm strippers are depressing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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