I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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