I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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