Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize