just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They took my balls.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
