Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
