it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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