Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
