She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
