he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
