the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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