Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize