I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
