Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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