Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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