I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
