I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
