let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
