i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize