maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
