6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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