Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize