Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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