Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
