I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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