their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
