did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
