VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
