i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
