I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
