the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
