In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
