You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
