like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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