dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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