and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize