They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize