There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
