But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You smell like stripper and shame
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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